I haven’t posted anything in a long time so i need to. And here it is. More to come :)
I sit and ponder on the world when everything is quiet I look to my neighbor and think about what he could possibly be thinking.. Is he thinking about a girl? Is he thinking about how our teacher looks like a creeper? Or maybe he’s thinking the same thing i am… I cant believe how incredibly awkward it is to be staring at a wall, yet in deep thought about something stupid like what i want to eat tonight… or what in the hell is the person next to me thinking… or when the hell are we gonna get outta here? its the most random, weirdest thing ever. To have a conversation with yourself. THIS! is what runs through my head after im done with TAKS
MY PROM DRESS!!! YAY
to travel the world and share my music with everyone. My passion for music is so deep.. i cant even explain how much i love it.
To be up on a stage with a guitar, sqwenching your eyes trying to see the audiance but secreatly you dont want to see people because your scared shitless. The way your heart pounds out of your chest while your standing, waiting… and rubbing your hands on your jeans to whipe the sweat from your hands so that there is not chance for your pick to slip out of your hands when your playing guitar.
I want that.
The way people yell and scream your name. How you get butterflys every time someone screams your name or claps for you. The anticipation you have everytime you hear music being played or waiting to play the song. The stress that you are being put under. The realization that you would rather be where you are right now.. than anywhere else.
I want that.
If i didn’t have music in my life.. im pretty sure i wouldn’t have anything. I thank god for giving me this gift. I hope im good enough to create my dream.
My mother is bi-polar. And i know as much as i shouldn’t let her disease affect me.. it does.
I can stand my mom being like this because it fucks me up.
She’s everything that i dont want to be. Same goes for my dad.. And everytime i try to set my self up for something good, my mom always shits on it.
I’m sick and tired of it. Life isn’t swell. And it always is like this near the end of school. I dont understand why.
I dont have any close friends anymore. I dont understand where they all went.
I feel really fucking alone right now. and dont have it in myself to stop crying.
